Five Days and Counting

Okay, I admit it. I have trouble slowing down when I'm sick. I've been feeling under the weather for the past five days. It always goes away on it's own. Always. Sometimes. But I'm starting to wonder if it's going to this time. I may have to do the one thing I have such a hard time doing...go to the doctor.

Why does this bother me so? Because I'm the fixer. I mean, my name, according to all of those cheesy Christian store bookmarks and coasters, means "Healing One". I fix everyone else. I don't need fixed. Oh, I know, this sounds ridiculous. But it's there, under the service. It's not an idea that I am regularly aware of, but it is definitely a value that drives me. I encourage others to get help when they need it, but I rarely take that advice. I'm a complete hypocrite in this area.

Isn't self revelation tough?

So, what am I to do? I'll go to the doctor in the morning, for one thing. I'd go today, but I have to teach my class at Taylor. (How do you like that justification?) But I need to do more than this. I mean I have spiritual sickness and emotional sickness as well as my physical ailments. I've got to return to trusting my friends and letting them into my soul and life.

Sigh...

When? It's easier to write it than to do it.

I honestly don't know. Unfortunately, it won't be today. I am legitimately too busy.

Wow. More than an excuse, I have ordered my life poorly, in such a way that I really have boxed myself in. It will take a while to rework this. But I must. God's been pushing me on it for a while, so I need to keep moving towards this.

He is faithful. I just need to follow. I can do that.

I Miss Home, Even Though I've Never Been There

I'm in one of those phases where I want to go home. On both levels. I would like to just go home and paint, and repair, and build. I'm a bit tired of ministry right now, and would enjoy an extended time away to just be at my house, in my barn, quietly working. Not sure why. Guess I need to spend some time on that one. That's probably the issue. I'm not really spending time contemplating much right now. I'm in a constant phase of preparation for my next event. My next sermon, lesson, worship night, college class, small group, youth group, game night, event, etc. No rhythm, just run. I don't handle that well.

The other sense of home that I have echoes this. I want to go home, to be free of the cares of this world and with my Dad. No, no it's not a hidden suicide thing. I just want to be with God in a way that is different than right now. I want to be face to face, no distractions, just swallowed up in His presence, love, kindness, grace, hope, joy, peace, and passion.

Usually when I feel like this, it's a gauge telling me I'm running on empty from doing too much. Yep, it's that time again. I'm realizing it as I'm writing it. I need to step away. Okay. I've been at this long enough to not fight it. I'll step away this week. I'll talk to my supervisor and schedule some time away.

Good, I feel better already. What about you? Are you ready to go home? Is it time for a break as well?